(WARNING – this is NOT a serious blog like I usually do.  Please take it with a good dose of humor.)  😉

 

Getting dressed to go run:

“I don’t understand sports bras.  How do you get into these things?”  Getting frustrated, pulling it off and googling how to run as a big girl.   Wishing I was a guy while I ran so I didn’t have to worry about it. Feeling smug when I research and see people say to just wear two normal ones. Forgetting that meant I sweat through two bras instead of one and just made twice the laundry for myself.

Finally out the door.  Turn on spotify and the 5k app.  DING “Start your five minute walk to warm up.”  Cool, I got this.  I start walking quickly to the beat.  I feel like dancing down the street

Wait. When did these mountains grow here?!  Huff, puff, pant…  This is not a good sign of things to come.

DING “Start running.”  Here we go!  OK, I got this,  I can do this.  Oh snap – there’s construction workers up ahead and I should not be wearing these leggings in public.  My options are ignore the construction workers and run by like I own the place or choose the side road that is an uphill battle.  My pride wins and I turn to run my first leg of the journey up Mount Everest.

DING  Yay!  Walk for a minute and a half.  OH!  Who knew they put the Olivia Newton John song, “Magic” to a techno beat.  Also, how old am I that I know ONJ?

DING Run the second round.  Think, “I’m killing this!”

DING Walk it off, become aware that there are a lot of teenagers out walking around.  Shouldn’t they be in school??  Get extra self conscious.  Avoid eye contact.  Go into my own teenage mind set as I am sure everyone is looking at me and laughing.

DING  Can’t. Do. This.  pant, pant, die…

DING Hallelujah.  I love walking. Walking’s my favorite.

DING What was I thinking?  Fight back tears.  I am worthless, I am too fat, I am not a runner, this will never happen.  Suddenly as if reading my irrational thoughts my app pipes up, “You’ve got this!  You are worth it!”  What???  Creepy… but, thanks!

DING!

DING!  New song comes on. “Girl. look at that body.  I work out.”  Yeah I do!  Then the part of the song comes on that says, “Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle” and I know there is more than a little truth to that phrase.  So much wiggling and jiggling.   It makes me laugh out loud maniacally.  I might be a bit delirious.

DING

DING  (Temporarily blacks out from lack of oxygen.  Not really.  But I have no memory of these moments.)

DING I start singing Flo Rida out loud as he comes on my spotify running list.  This is helping me breath better!  Yay! But I have headphones in, so I am aware it can’t be a pretty sight or sound for anyone looking at me.  I don’t care. I’m breathing again.

DING  I think that girl walking on the opposite side of the street is lapping me.  Is she laughing at me?  Just give it 20 years, sweetie!

DING Wait – I almost feel normal.  This must be what I’ve always heard of – the elusive “Second wind.”  I could do this foreverrrrrr.

DING  Never mind.  How can one minute be so long?

After many more DINGS and cycles of emotions my app pipes up with, “Good job!  Walk and stretch it out!”

I get back to my house, sit on my porch depleted of energy but feeling strong.  I stretch and feel relief that tomorrow is an off day.  48 hours of no-running bliss!  I don’t know that I will ever like running, but I like who I am when I do the hard thing.

Wanna join me in my run in June?